Narrative:
How do I start this? Oh ya.... It happened again.
LSD banded together and performed their version of "Old School" ---Rugby. If you haven't seen the movie, do so. Choo Choo Boo Boo was Frank the Tank reenacted.
Thursday night was a bust. It rained in Phoenix and snowed in Flagstaff. This meant that the Maggot Bus coming from Montana was stuck in Flagstaff and the fields in Phoenix were unplayable anyway. Those Maggots that managed their way down did get a big piss up from the Old Devils.
Friday on the other hand was brilliant. In attendance: Sweet Pea, Aaron, Buddy, Biff, Eb, Nick, Andrew, Chuck, Gus, We in a haphazard way all found each other about 1:00 for the Cubs Giants game in Mesa. All day it threatened rain but didn't. We never found our seats and about ten or so of us hooted and jeered our way till the stadium and we both decided it was time for us to leave. It didn't help that we kept asking every bald black man in the stadium if he was Barry Bonds. Bonds did actually walk down our baseline and he got hammered by Sweet Pea and Sam. "Barry its ok to love yourself." "We own mirrors too." "Can I have your alimony check?" Then to kinda wrap things up we ended with the poor outfielder from the Cubs who booted a ball right in front of us. His last name was (O'leary). So resounds of "Hey Mick get of the field." And "Have another Guinness." resounded. Problem was he was African American. So the Mick jokes were taken kindly.
From the BB game we all headed towards Sweet Pea's but it just so happened that a place called the "Candy Store" was along the way. This is a bit like calling a bar the Library. It's a strip joint that serves many varieties of sweets. After shots and completely controlling the stage view with ten or more of us we finally moved to Sweet Pea's for a BBQ.
Now what was supposed to be a quaint little back yard bbq quickly turned into a pretty heavy party. Now you must remember Sweet Pea is no longer "single" he is sharing the house with his fiance, congrats Sweet Pea, she rocks. Needless to say when we arrived the fresh towels in the bathroom and clean sheets on the beds confirmed his domestication. Bruce, and his friend Joe, showed up from Boston with JeffA , Randy, and Kevin dropping in from Flagstaff for the evening. Then later we were graced with the presence of Shorty, Dave Hatfield and JB all brothers who associate with the Blues now and then. Several LandShark faithful females showed as well to keep things coed. Trish decided to bring her kids, that was entertaining, as we watched them throw darts at each other. We watched the magnificent Arizona Sunset around a backyard bonfire and bbq. The evening ended with all the girls convincing the lads that a coed crew should go back to the Candy Store before closing. Well some of us didn't, we played Euchre, but those that did had a hard time distinguishing between the workers and the guests. Wow, what a misspent youth I had. I never new that a Titty Bar was such a turn on for chicks. Well about 3:00 a.m. things settled down as we finally convinced Heather that turning the stereo up on every song was not such a good idea. Fade to the crash and black of the pass-out living room floor, pool table and patio. Classic bbq!
Morning arrived, as per normal, about 15min after the evening ended. We gathered who we could for breakfast to someplace that offered Mimosas and created a $250 breakfast bill. Not bad for a crew of 12. God its great to have a job and not have to count pennies for those anymore. We even left a tip!
Heading for the Roadrunner Park, first games for the sharks was 9:00 a.m., I followed an ugly green bus that had the word "Maggoty" for a license plate. We'll no shit. The Missoula Maggots had driven down from Montana. As they pulled to the field the bus was rocking and the windows were banging in some frenzied rhythm that reminded me of a bunch of cannibals ready to eat raw flesh. I was right. Pent up aggression was the real cause. As I approached our "campout" at the field I asked the five players who were present who we played first. THEM, the maggots right off the bus in full rugby regalia. Oh shit, par for course. We get to start with five old burnouts against the best at the tournament. We'll we did it. We only picked up 8 players, but we played and managed to get our asses kicked. But we did create a group of guys that wanted to play the rest of the day with us. Eventually some more LSD showed: Grant, Jason Benton, Bill Fletcher to name a few. We played our second game against the Mag Pies and played one of the hardest hitting matches I've seen in a while. Additionally we were at least 2/3 Sharks or LSD on the field. Maybe that made a difference. Eventually we lost by a last minute tri as all our fat fellows could keep pace with an Arizona A side in mid-season. Our last game was against a rejuvenated Yuma Sidewinders team; young, athletic but inexperienced. They took advantage of us early with speed around the corners and entered halftime with a two tri lead. But in the second half the LSD took over. Fletcher, Wally and then our friend from Boston, Joe Dolan, scored the clincher. Great game! I might add that LSD member Chuck Herron is the organizer and rally man for the Sidewinders as he has relocated with his wife to Yuma. See what special education can do for a career.
Highlights for the day include watching the NAU Timberdoodles play an entire game in Prom Queen outfits and prancing around the rest of that day and night in them. Having three lads from the sharks play all three of their games and all three of ours. Six games in one day. Wow! That's stuff of the days of yore. That's Danny Collins type of stuff. Rugby for rugby. Watching Tino, yes Tino, come waltzing up at 3:00 when the day was over after having paid a $45 cab fair from the bus station. He came in special from Tucson just to see us. Then later he broke one of his "special" teeth off clowning around. When will that boy learn? Typically our tournament camp-out was full of laughter as we watched Randy be an injured invalid and Boo play only when his wife was at lunch or in the bathroom. Same goes for Sam. You guys have got to stop this duel life. A comical moment from the sidelines was Listening to Jeffa's Kids talk while Jeff took a knee about five times. "Pop sure is in a destructive mode" and "he yell's at me for beating up my brother?"
Following the matches we moved towards Nick's new place in Tempe. As luck would have it two of Nick's immediate neighbors are both Scottsdale Blues. Nick's at that point was doomed to be the post party place, as Kevin prearranged a keg in the back yard and made flyers with directions to pass out at the bar. It was like being in high school. Kevin was hilarious walking up to strangers everywhere passing out maps to "a kegger." I never got to speak with Nick that night or the morning after but, THANKS NICK. As the after hours had some real entertainment.
We all carpooled to the tournament party. It was in a little place called "The Devils House" and this is what use to be BoJo's next to the Railroad tracks in Tempe. We had some individuals ripe for entertainment. Wally and I hung out at the initial stages and even got a shot named at our request. "Rugby Player on Acid" I have no idea where the bartender came up with that one. But they were sure sweet shots. Essentially all the booze was free as long as you tipped the Bartenders well. We had little business cards that were good for one draft beer each. I had 100 of those cards. Soon that became too cumbersome so the bartenders stop paying attention. I still managed to blow $140 in tips. Easily the winner of the Party were the three lads from Utah that ran around naked with flaming toilet paper stuck up their arses. But second only to that was Boo Boo trying to imitate his old self. He was in prime form (see pictures) he told us he had a kitchen pass for the evening. Jeff'A and I spent the last two hours of the evening trying to keep him fromÉwell you know. Getting in too much fun. He kept asking "What? Am I not having enough fun?" No Boo you were having too much fun! Things ended up at Nick's house where the entire Maggot bus showed up with half the bar. Five chicks and forty rugby players and the chicks were begging for attention as the guys converged on the Keg.
Now the entertainment begins. An unnamed Timberdoodle proceeded to indoctrinate a young Maggot that if he didn't suck her tits that she was going to knock the piss out of him. It happened! Then the same unnamed Timberdoodle got into a butt kicking wrestling match with Boo and we had to call a draw as someone was going to get hurt. It would not have looked good on the morning after to have a black eye or broken shoulder because of a World Rugby Wrestling Federation unsanctioned match. The night again faded to black with bodies strewn everywhere as though the energizer batteries just ran out in everybody. Tile floors, couches, the lawn, halfway through the bath room door with their pants still down. My god it was a site to behold the next morning. Meanwhile the Maggots got bored with us and jumped in the bus and let out for home, via LasVegas. SAVE YOUR GAS MONEY!
The next morning a few of us went to breakfast at some old folks egg place in Tempe. In prime form: Me in my purple regalia, boo in his jump suit, and Jeremy draped in a wife beater and a sign that suggested he could buy or sell crack if the price was right. The best line from breakfast was from a near dead white hair at an adjacent table that proclaimed that god should have more to do with our lives. We found menuto(sp) back to the rest of the crew at nicks place and cleaned up what was the classic 2" think beer stained floor.
One to remember no doubt. Let's try to make a bigger showing of this one next year!
Below is Jeremy, Speed Bump's version of things: much the same only from the eyes of a shark not an LSD.
Here is the story from the Critterfest via Speed Bump--
Well we were forced to find a lot of whores to start
the morning as we had a 9am match. Luckily, the
combination of many teams not entering and me knowing
a lot of the guys--we picked up some quality ones!
We beat Ft. Lewis 10-5 in the opener--as our star
winger--Skyler King provided constant pressure
offensively and defensively throughout the match!! Ha
ha!!!
In the second match we played a hard hitting Utah
State Club--and after 40 minutes despite fine play by
the pendulum! They caught kick after kick, chased,
tackled, ran, kicked and passed to keep us in the
game-- #11 Billy, #14 Rosey (Scottsdale) and Stix, and
#15 Speed Bump. And #10 Kaleb and #12 Matt D. worked
well with the gruesome pendulum! After 40 minutes we
were dead locked at 0-0! The tourney rules called for
a 5 minute sudden death 7's match. After a few minutes
of some great 7's rugby and almost scoring several
times-- the SharkWhores were on the losing end of an
intercepted pass that went back 6-70 meters. Damn that
rookie!!! HA ha ha!!
In the third game the SharkWhores--mostly whores at
this point-- lost to UofA, but managed to get a UofA
player red carded, who inturn cussed at and went after
the ref-- Gary--ASU coach who blew the whistle for us
this year against PHX. This is a HUGE deal and I will
keep you posted on the likely suspension--- outcome.
Some Sharks played in all 6 matches-- three for LSD
too!! A big cheers to them--as that is tough for
anyone--let alone some ugly rookies!!
Now on to the party--held at the Devil House just a
few blocks from where we play ASU. Well the night
started off slow for the FIVE "Crackheads"--yes just
five-- Irish, Stone, Eric C., Gramps, and Speed Bump.
But with SEVENTY FREE drink tickets-- there would be
no holding back this crew from having a good time.
Within a few minutes we were joined by Renee, Sherrie,
and Adam--Dru's mother and siblings-- Renee also
watched 2 of our 3 matches. The crowd started coming
in--and soon the Crackheads were ina crowd of Indians,
Rubicks Cube chicks, 80's prom queens, and well the
Maggots who had their formal wear on-- formerly owned
by someone else!
The chaos continued and got crazier-- some songs were
sang, some nudity was seen, and a lot of alcohol was
consumed. Buddy got a drink named for ruggers-- "A
Rugby Player on Acid." El Gordo passed out flyers for
an after party that many Dinosaurs commented on... "he
looked like a high schooler" etc etc.... Wally wanted
to name the Indian chicks (Utah State) Poca my Heine!
And to close out the night-- Rosey decided it best to
motivate my fellow Crackheads into picking me up out
of the blue and having me crowd surf just a few feel
from the ceiling. I have no clue how it worked out,
but the whole crowd seemed to be on the same sheet of
music and I glided several feet a few different
times--until one bouncer yanked me down and started
yelling at me-- when I said what the hell did I do?? A
drunked Stone, with remnants of flour still on his
face and standing in what seemed like 3" of beer--
said he didn't do anything-- he was helpless!! Just
moments later the same bouncer had this to say about
the ruggers--"you guys are fucking crazy!!"
The night and morning continued with some crazy
events and concluded with Buddy, Speed Bump, Boo, and
Tino heading to MEXICO err.. Guadalupe searching for
breakfast. We finally found the all conservative,
nice, old person crowded U.S. Eggs on Baseline. The
"Crackhead" still in his costume of a dirty wife
beater with the words Got Crack? on the front got many
looks and commmets from this unaccelting crowd!!!
Buddy later added that his favorite was an older woman
saying "Oh my lord!"
The morning continued with searching for people,
keys, and even vehicles from the night before! I wish
you would have all been there.
